Spoof: Kosovars Kill Serb Delegation

EU officials have reprimanded the Serbs for the high rotation level of their diplomatic cadre, while praising the Albanians for their steadfast approach to a final solution for Kosovo

By Julia Gorin

A final attempt for a one-sided compromise between Serbs and Albanians on the status of http://www.wvwnews.net/story.php?id=1860 ended abruptly Wednesday, the fourth day of face-to-face negotiations in New York, when the Albanian delegation opened fire on the Serbian delegation, killing everyone. The international community condemned the resulting Serbian intransigence, but hailed the meeting as an overall success. “This is more proof that self-determination for Kosovo Albanians is the only rational solution,” said American envoy Frank Wisner. President Bush announced that the so-called massacre of the Serbian delegation has made it necessary once again to bomb Serbia and teach those nationalists a lesson. “The Kosovars are only trying to help the Serbs to arrive at a permanent position,” said former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright. “It is the only approach they know, it’s worked for them in the past, and we must respect that. Remember Munich.”

“We should have seen this compromise coming,” said Undersecretary of State Nicholas Burns, “The Albanian side has had the courtesy to repeatedly warn us that no further delays for independence would be tolerated, and we should all be relieved that a compromise was reached before the December 10th deadline they gave us. Had we passed it, Albanians would next seek similar compromises with us. So this worked out for everyone.”The State Department, EU parliamentarians, and every newspaper of the world agree that the shooting was justified by a legitimate anger that the Kosovo-Albanian leadership must have felt over the previous delays caused by their propensity to murder every Serbian delegation they met with. EU officials have reprimanded the Serbs for the high rotation level of their diplomatic cadre, while praising the Albanians for their steadfast approach to a final solution for Kosovo. The outcome has proved Clinton-era ambassador Richard Holbrooke wrong when he advised Albanians that it would be easier to get independence if they’d “stop killing Serbs.”

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2007-10-20